To all the mums out there

I know this poem has done the the rounds a few time but I think it really says what we need to do every once in a while. I do find myself saying 'in a minute' or 'just let me finish this' when one of the boys asks me to do something for them. So when they do, I need to think of this.

slow down mummy, there is no need to rush,

slow down mummy, what is all the fuss?

slow down mummy, make yourself a cup of tea.

slow down mummy, come spend some time with me.

slow down mummy, let's pull boots on for a walk,

let's kick at piles of leaves, and smile and laugh and talk.

slow down mummy, you look ever so tired,

come sit and snuggle under the duvet, and rest with me a while.

slow down mummy, those dirty dishes can wait,

slow down mummy, let's have some fun - bake a cake!

slow down mummy, I know you work a lot,

but sometimes mummy, it's nice when you just stop.

sit with us a minute,

and listen to our day,

spend a cherished moment,

because our childhood won't stay!

~ R. Knight 

Dont judge me

I go to a lot of play groups. I must attend about 4 a week as well as running one a week just for twins and multiples. I have seen many different types of mums, dads and carers out there and as ashamed as I am to say, have judged and probably been judged by most of them. Its hard not to look at a disheveled lady walking in the door with slicked back hair, no make up on and struggling to carry a car seat  with a sweetly sleeping baby in and not think 'God that was me 2 years ago'. I remember walking into a baby group for the very first time, with two car seats in my arms, looking completely lost hoping for one person to take pity on me and offer me a cuppa.

On the other hand however, there could be that lady that walks in  plastered in make up, wearing high heels and have just squeezed into her post-pregnancy jeans and a lot of the mothers there will cast a terrible judgement. Not 'oh she looks great after just having a baby'. But almost a  'who does she think she is putting us all to shame, looking immaculate when we have been wearing the same baby vomit stained tshirt for days'. Its horrible to make a judgement, but we do. I think we all want to know that other people are struggling with motherhood just as much as we are. For all we know, that lady may have been working out every night when her baby sleeps, to get her body back to its former self  and starving herself just so she feels some self worth and control. She could be at home crying every night with a baby with sever colic that doesn't sleep and getting up in the morning and making herself up is the only way she can get through the day. But we don't see that. All we see is what walking through the door. People have already decided whether to have a conversation with her within the first 5 minutes of walking in. I know this. I have felt the looks of judgement as I walk in.(oh and that's not because I look immaculate - quite the opposite!)

You see I'm not a small talker, or at least I don't consider myself to be but I'm learning.  I'm a bit quirky, and occasionally say inappropriate things which a lot of mums would not find too funny. I guess you could say I'm not a stereotypical mum. I'm 31 but not many of my friends have children. That might be because they are gay or still trying to live their starving artist dream or already have older children or are just not 'there' yet. So when it comes to toddler groups, I find it hard to place myself. And I guess people sense that too. But at the end of the day, all we want is a friendly ear to listen to our sleeping problems and to say 'me too' and 'Oh god I'm so pleased you feel like as well". I've come to realize that just because we both have children, doesn't automatically mean we are going to be best friends. I cant assume that just because we have had a chat about how little there is out there clothes wise for boys, doesn't mean we will be scheduling pay dates every week and drinking wine together at the weekends. We have one thing in common so far, that's not the basis for a lasting relationship.

I think I did expect that to happen automatically when I became a mum but I was totally wrong and I need to not be so hung up on it. Of course I would love to have regular play dates and meet like minded mums but the reality is, Im not on this desperate search for mum friends and I need to keep telling myself that. Its OK. Its OK  if I don't have friends that have children the same age. Actually I should be grateful that my close circle of friends aren't all in the same boat as me as conversation would be pretty boring. At least my current circle all have different things going on which we can talk about instead of dirty nappies and sick which validates that there is still a real world out there for me.

I guess its a matter of getting the balance right. An equal mix of mummy friends and non mummy friends. That way you can have conversations about children when you need but also, its so nice to have a break from it! 

And luckily, this evening, its one of those nights! Thanks for having the boys mum! xx

Bye bye bottles

Reading the many blog and articles that I do, I know there is a bit of debate on when the best time is to ditch the bottles. My boys were predominantly bottle fed so I was worried that there would be a significant attachment to them.

A lot of people say on the first birthday, all the bottles go in the bin, or to 'the bottle fairy'. However, some say that their kids are near 4 and still have one for comfort. Now the boys have never been attached in a sense to their bottles as they have always had their donkey and cloth for that, nor have they ever been put to bed with one and left to it. So when my boys were the other side of 2 years and I was sick of making 6 bottles a night in case they woke up hungry, I thought I really needed to make some changes.

So this is what I did; One afternoon I sat them down and said that we are not going to be having bottles any more at bed time because they are big boys. We put their bottles in a carrier bag ready to give to the 'rubbish truck' (a latest obsession) which actually just went into the cupboard in case we need them in the future and that was it. No crying, no asking for bottles – nothing. Every night since they have had either a sippy cup or beaker, which does have its own battles but im so pleased not to be making any more bottles.

I think doing this has also automatically weaned them off bottles during the night as a sippy cup requires more of an effort so they don't bother asking for it. Win!

The next stage will be weaning Sammy off his dummy. He can keep his cloth and Fin can keep his Donkey but the dummy really has to go. I think it will be a gradual thing. He has it for sleeps but never if we are at a club or out and about so I think the key will be distraction initially and then bribery once he can understand. Oh and there is the potty training and the switch from cots to a bed to contend with this year but one thing  at a time thanks.

The good, the bad and the ugly -2 years on.

There are many preconceptions of the joys of motherhood. From a blooming pregnancy to quietly breastfeeding your darling bundle in the middle of the night whilst you rock peacefully in your highly expensive nursing chair. Fast-forward two years, God knows how many broken nights and body aches later, and the joys have well and truly worn off.

Im not saying that every aspect of motherhood is terrible. Quite the opposite. The joys far outweigh the horrors. 

So what is the good stuff? Well there is so much that makes me happy every day. A lot if it would be completely insignificant to those who don’t have children and have no intention to. But its the little things really. It the waking up in the morning after a reasonable nights sleep(feel free to replace reasonable with 'shitty', 'non-existent' or just 'damn awful') and hearing a chirpy happy baby, or in my case, two chirpy babies, chatting and talking to each other. Then the morning cuddles are pretty good too. Sleepy boy cuddles are the best. For one, they are too tired to try and escape so you've got a good chance here of a fairly decent one.

Its also the little piles of creation left around the house that you unsuspectingly find days later. Thing like a pot or a cup stuffed with tissue,or a cuddly toy sat reading a book. We've had a book tower construction, toy cats sat eating dinner from the cat bowls downstairs. Imaginary Christmas trees made from cushions and all sorts. The boys' imagination is really starting to show and some of the things they come up with are pretty cool. But at the moment they mostly revolve around cranes, towers and Christmas trees.

The talking is a real bonus we are starting to notice. Just being able to ask a question and get a 'yes' or 'no' is a major breakthrough as I am nearly able to put my crystal ball away!

Sam and Fin have only recently started to play and talk with each other. Ive seen a glimpse of what the future will be like with twins. They have their own private conversations which I cannot decipher. They will both go though a ritual of a game which I do not know the rules off so im better off staying away. I can just imagine that in a years time, they will be able to play board games together, play cowboys and Indians together. Any two person game, they already have a built in playmate.

So the bad? Well we have numerous trials each day. I think a lot of it is due to the fact that there is always two of them. The most the boys have spent apart from each other is when they are sleeping and even then they are usually right next to each other. We have a lot of fights. Im talking about one every hour. Usually these revolve around toys or which colour cups they want (*mental note to go back to Ikea for another set of the dog cups).  To be fair the cup fights usually happen when getting their milk ready for bedtime.

We have a lot of 'mine, mine, mine'. Which turns to head wrestling (Uncle Gary would be pleased), which if left turns to biting. I have been letting a lot of the fights ride out recently though.  I kind of figure that as long as it doesn’t get too violent, they need to learn to figure things out for themselves and get over it. Of course I will step in if the screaming gets too loud or I see biting. But anything other than that I will keep away.

One thing that I am really struggling with at the moment is indecisiveness. I really cannot keep patient when they cant make up their minds what they want. A general conversation goes along like this:

Fin: Uh Uh blanket blanket
Me: Oh you want your blanket?
 Fin: Okay
Me: *Puts blanket on his lap
Fin: No no no blanket!!
Me: Okay *takes blanket off.
Fin: NO BBLLLAAANNNKKKET!!
Me: Okay, here you go
Fin: NO!
Me: What do you want?
Fin: ARRGGGGHHHHHHHH
Me: Do you want your blanket on or off?
Fin: BBBLLLAAANKKEETTTT!!
Me: * Walks away
Fin: NO BBLLLAAANNNKKKET!! ARRGGGGHHHHHHHH

I know in this game that I cannot win. If I walk away he feels abandoned and screams but if I stay, the argument will continue. This is a lose lose situation. In the end, the boys are probably past the capability of making their own decisions so I have to make it for them regardless of the screaming I will get back. Im getting screaming as it is so I may as well put a stop to hassle.

I could go on and on but it don't want this to drag out too much as I am sure across the whole world, everyone who is currently raising a toddler is going through the exact same thing, so to finish, I will leave you with this, and Im sure you will agree, its pretty spot on!